EKG Girl? Meet Black Blowjob Guy.

October 18, 2004 in Uncategorized
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Hey, I’m going to Houston.

Why?

‘Cause I ain’t got no job, bitch.

Seriously. That is never gonna get old.

My apologies for lack of posts last week, but I spent a few days in Houston visiting a friend that was in town for work. What did I do? Peep it. Over
the course of 48 hours:

  • Drove about 350 miles.
  • Had to stop at the railroad crossing in the booming metropolis that is Giddings, Texas. Both ways.
  • Realized that Usher’s new album is actually pretty good.
  • Worried about my fledgling lawn.
  • Saw the most unflattering view of my naked body ever. Takeaway? Full-length
    hotel mirrors in view of the toilet? Bad.

  • Had a major brain fart resulting in my car getting towed.
  • Decided that Houston Chipotle is quite inferior to Austin Chipotle. (Yeah, I had Chipotle, but my freakin’ car got towed!)
  • Walked 2.8 miles (about 2 miles longer than I needed to) trying to get it back, through some of the worst neighborhoods in Houston.
  • Explored the 7(!) miles of underground tunnels in downtown Houston.
  • Walked through a unlit quarter-mile tunnel in North Houston and almost peed my pants.
  • While searching for my car, stopped at a stand called Poppa Burger and had a Lil’ Pop Burger.
  • Had drinks at Dean’s Credit
    Clothing
    , a bar crossed with a clothing store, where drunk people were trying on clothes all night. Seriously.

  • Drunk dialed a friend in Portland from Houston, with my drunk friend from London (originally Kansas).

Good times. But the story of the weekend? No question. As I exited the CVS about to hop onto the light rail:

[Putting my change back in my wallet, currently filled with bills cause I have to pay cash to get my car back.]

Money, Money, Money…

[I smile politely.]


You from around here?

No, I’m from Austin.


Shoot. Do you know how to read?

Ur…I do my best…


Yeah, well I’m a smart guy, but I can’t read.

Oh.


Look, I need to get back to my hotel, but I can’t find it.
I’ll give you [he pulls out a wad of cash] $20 if you’ll look up the number in the phonebook for me.


My bus is leaving at 6:30 so I just need to get back to the hotel.

I can call 411…
[I start dialing]


No, I don’t have the address, so they said I had to use a phone book.


[I hang up and dial Shri]


Who are you calling now?
[He’s starting to get a little testy]

I’m calling a friend of mine—he can look it up.


No, that will take too long.

No, no, it’ll take two seconds.



[Shri isn’t in front of his computer]


Is this a good neighborhood?

Um, I don’t know I’m not from here.


Oh right, you’re from Austin.


Look, I have this white chick back at the hotel that wants to give me a blowjob.
I’ll give you [out comes the wad of cash again] $100 if you just…
[His phone rings]

Ur… I gotta go.

2 Comments to EKG Girl? Meet Black Blowjob Guy.

  1. dood. i’m in EUGENE. =)
    still, drunk mark and drunk annie, it was good to hear from ya both.
    and, apologies to whoever, but houston? sucks. suckity suck suck sucks.

  2. leia on 18 October 2004
  3. eugene shmugene. that’s what i always say.

  4. Mark on 18 October 2004




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