Text

April 2, 2004 in Uncategorized
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I think I got my first computer when I was 7. Or 8. Something like that. I could book a plane ticket online in the late 80s. I got a 660 on the Math section of the SATs when I took them in the 7th grade, an 800 when I was in HS, and I was a Computer Science major at MIT, before dropping out during the .com boom. And now, one of the most important things in my life is my writing. Go fig.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing this week (obviously mostly outside of my blog), to help me deal with a lot of the crap I’ve been going through. I feel like I’m always saying this, but the last year has been one of the hardest I’ve ever endured. 2003 was crappy, and in 2004 I’m still hungover from it. From my relationships with my friends and my exes, to an argument at the ultimate tourney last week that I normally wouldn’t get into, my thoughts are like a wet down comforter. They’re oppressive and they weigh me down, affecting almost everything I do.

Throughout it all though, my writing has been the only thing that has helped me feel better. The ironic thing is that because I am so left-brained, when things don’t make sense, all the inconsistencies bounce around my head like balls in those lotto number picking machines. Getting my thoughts (and arguments) out on paper, helps to pluck a couple of the balls out. Some nights I’m able to match a couple numbers and win the meager prize of deep sleep, but unfortunately, there are nights like tonight, when despite taking the “night time” allergy medicine, my numbers simply don’t come up and I just can’t sleep.

I was actually thinking of posting some my text when I chose the track of the week this week…

“Let’s nuke the bridge we torched two thousand times before.
This time we’ll blast it all to hell.
I’ve felt this burning in my guts now for so long.
My belly’s aching now to say…”
-Green Day, F.O.D.

…but I didn’t. And I guess that’s the right move. I dunno. The eternal question of “What is a blog?” may never be answered, but with more people at work than I’m comfortable with, reading my blog, there are some things that just can’t get posted.

Whatever.

This is dumb.

I’m gonna go curl up with Tivo.

7 Comments to Text

man, you suck. (not to make you feel worse or anything…) but 800 on the math portion of the SAT? AND a good writer? ugh.
wanna know what I got on my math GRE? 520. Fully 250 points lower than the verbal and logic sections. And 200 points lower than my SAT, back when I actually took math and stuff.

beth on 2 April 2004

Of course, you know you’re not obligated to post anything you don’t want to. I mean, yeah, your fans clamor for more, but ultimately it’s your life. I think one should keep his/her deeply private thoughts…private.
Hee hee. I said ‘private.’

Bre on 2 April 2004

good to hear from you, thought we lost you again.

dawn on 2 April 2004

I do both the handwritten journal and the blog and I’m finding that the blog is winning these days, which is strange…for me.
I went through a period of struggling over censoring myself when I write in my blog ’cause the fears of who may be reading, who may find it, etc…There is only one person I don’t vent about in my blog (my supposed best friend in the city, sma) because I said something in it once and it caused a stink like you wouldn’t believe and something I’d rather not go through again.
I guess it’s…pick and choose your battles wisely.
And I’ve rambled. I don’t know why. It’s 8AM here and well…my heart is with you. 2004 has sucked balls so far for me as well. Every month though, I try to wipe the slate clean and try to start over like the previous month never happened.

jen on 2 April 2004