No, No, That’s Aftershave On My Chest

Ring Ring.

Hey, I’m bored.

I’m really liking this being laid off thing. Even though it’s harder than I thought it would be to be super productive, I’m still getting a good amount done everyday. And a mid-day trip to the batting cages with Bre never hurt anybody either. The one thing I have figured out though, is that if I get up around 8:30ish, I get a ton more done than when I get up at 10:30ish. Revolutionary idea, huh? So far the only reasons I’ve found to get my butt out of bed early has been my alarm clock (aka the dog next door), and my doctor’s appointment yesterday.

I’ve been putting off going to the doctor for a while. Mom’s doctor told her that I should get my heart checked when I got older, but it wasn’t until some pretty bad chest pain the week after mom passed, that I kinda started to worry. I tried to get the doctor that Katie recommended down at ARC, but settled for a random faceless guy. And that’s what he was. Just some guy. I don’t think I really need more than that from a doctor. He checked me out, seemed a little rushed but thorough, and recommended I do an EKG if I was concerned. As he stepped out to go request the EKG, I had some time to look around the room. Pretty standard, even had some cheesy motivation posters.

A few moment later, the EKG Girl strolled in with her big honking machine, making small talk and doing her stuff. As I took off my shirt so we could get started, I got an “Ooo! I’ll need to shave you right there (pointing to the middle of my chest). Is that okay?” I definitely didn’t think I was hairy enough to require an “Ooo!”, but that’s another story. I didn’t exactly think I could say no, so I said, “Um…Sure.” She grabbed a razor, and 10 seconds later she was done. No cream, or electric razor or anything, just swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, and she was done. “Your girlfriend is gonna wonder what we did to you, *giggle*, *giggle*” Ur…right. “And if I accidentially clamp your skin, try not scream. I had someone scream last time.” Urr…I’ll try to keep it quiet.

As I was lying there on my back letting her do her thing I started to read those motivational posters a little closer, and realized they weren’t motivational at all. They were Arrogance, Demotivation, Risks, and good ol’ Overconfidence. As I was thinking about how weird it was to have them on the ceiling of an examination room, EKG Girl again asked me if I was nervous. “No, I’m fine. Just relaxing, and staring at those posters up there on the ceiling.” Her response? “Well now you know how the girl feels. *giggle*”

…

“I am so blogging about this as soon as I getting home,” I thought.

EKG Girl finally finished all her prep, and all I had to do was lay there as the machine started doing it’s thing. Thankfully she had to pay attention to it, because it was the first bit of silence since she came in the room. I laid there with my gown half down, eight cool sensors scattered across my chest, and listened to the whirring of the machine. My mind wandered a bit, and found itself to my mom.

I found myself wondering how many times she had to see her doctors about her heart.
I found myself wondering how many times she laid on her back doing this exact same thing.
Wondering if she felt as scared as I did.
Wondering how many time she thought of me while she was doing it.
Knowing, that she knew, that one day I would have to do the same.
And with that thought, for a moment, I was with my mom.
Even though the experiences are years, maybe decades apart, I could feel the connection.
Despite being so very distant on the tangible axis of time, we were inhabiting the same place on the axis of emotion.
These days, for me that’s a powerful thing.
These days, that’s as close as I can get.

And as my throat got tight, and somehow squeezed the tears out of their home, I quickly tried to get my thoughts on something else. Crazy EKG Girl wasn’t worthy to see them.

“All done! Okay, I need to take these off now. Let me know if it hurts.”